Unnatural feeling?

I am curious and terrified about this feeling. I want to know if other people ever feel this way but at the same time, I am stupidly afraid that you/they never do and will find me a little more strange then I am already perceived.

See, I have this sensation, if you will, that makes it feel like I am in third person. As if I am just a foggy inkling of myself and a true being in just waiting underneath my flesh, wearing me like a suit that is a few sizes too small. This feeling happens more often then I care to admit but when it strikes, it’s like I am about to bust but before I can I get my thoughts shoved aside and they feel more like whispers as this ‘other person’ takes over.

I don’t know. I probably sound beyond insane.
It’s just- when I realize it’s happening, I am strangely fascinated but equally perturbed. I also feel incredibly depressed but in such a way that I boarder on pure rage. Everything makes that little shoved aside me feel like the world hates me so I should set it on fire and laugh as it burns into ash. This though however makes the other side of me twitch with sick anticipation. Sadly, I can see myself twitch and feel it too which either could be normal but like I said, if feels like I am staring at myself from a few feet in distance as this happens.

As I read over what I’ve already typed a part of me wants to delete everything and just keep on acting like this never happens. It’s very tempting to just pretend as if life is rosy with nothing in the world bizarre is happening around me or to me but… I want to know if anyone else feels this way.

Don’t get me wrong, please, I know I am not some special little snow flake. This is not a ‘please pity Terra’ post. This is me trying to branch out and see if this is ‘normal’ or possibly a terrible sign to something I can’t hope to fully fathom.
This is so much more to this fucked up sensation but I can’t really describe it properly.

…Is there anyone else who feels this way or can tell me their opinion of what is going on?

Donated blood for the first time! What an experience.
Took nearly two and a half hours in total.
I nearly blacked out at one point. (Turns out I need to eat a full meal before donating @.@)
I was rewarded with three ice packs, V8, apple juice, crackers, cookies, and the repetitive questions of what my own name was, where I lived, and when I was born.
They tried to get me to eat more but I ended up reassuring them I was going to a restaurant when allowed to leave. (Yeah, about that, I felt sick once there and was unable to eat most of it. Yay for dogie bags!)
I have to drink a crap ton of water and juice for the next two days and in about a week I will finally know my blood type.
Yay me!
My arm still hurts and I’m stupidly thirsty.
But I did it! Good for me~

Terra is bad with flirting.

I was on my lunch break at work and this girl comes up to me in the Halloween aisle and started to flirt with me. At first, I looked around to see if someone had put them up to it only to find that we were the only ones there so I kind of shrugged it off and kept looking at the stuff we were selling.
I thought that was the end of seeing this person so I rounded a corner to the next aisle to see what else was there- and she followed me there and tried again while I was looking at the face paints.
…We kind of vaguely talked about Halloween costumes and then I tried slipping back into the first ailse only to have her follow be back there.
I don’t do well with flirting. The last time someone almost asked me out was in Middle school and when he was in the middle of asking me- I kind of shrieked and ran away. So just picture me flailing and running down a hallway, because that’s what happened that time.
This time I tried to keep my cool but every time I rounded a corner, there she was after me. I was about to freak out and run when someone finally came to the section of the store where we were and it was her mom. So I took this as a change to slip off into a different direction only to hear her ask her mom if she knew who I was and what school I went to.
I don’t go to school. I graduated in 2007.
Yeah- That’s when I booked it.
I don’t do not do well with actual flirting. Like… At all. Jokingly with friends, maybe, but with strangers who are potentially serious?
*face desks*

Stupid brain.

I gave myself a huge scare.
I had forgotten that Steph had handed me a ziplock filled with large, dried, chopped chives.
So after zoning out on Tumblr for who knows how long in the dark, I looked down and kind of freaked out.
I thought I had a huge bag of weed on my lap.
And I had no reconciliation of how it had gotten there.
After a minute or two of silent panicking I then remembered it was chives.
Fucking brain…

This is why Terra should never try to write songs.

Blood drips from her fingertips onto the floor below,
A secret buried deep within that she just doesn’t know.
It’s proving much too difficult to try and stay awake,
But if she closes her eyes again- Her world will fucking break!

Go ahead and shut your eyes, no need to carry on,
She’ll only come to at the break of dawn.

She staggers forward and slips into herself,
The skin that she’s now wearing belongs to someone else.
Such horrid memories that feel just like a dream,
But if she knew the truth, she would break and scream!

Unwanted visitor stealing all control,
Selfish parasite that lacks any soul.
You take her body because you lack your own,
Killing all those before you that were ever shown.
You drain the energy of your sickly host,
You’re just lucky that you’re a fucking ghost!

There is a body laying still on the floor,
Better hurry now, to the closet, lock the door.
Another skeleton in your closet to keep,
If she knew your secret, she would more then weep.

It’s getting darker in your heart don’t you know?
The dawn is breaking and now you have to go.

She blinks her eyes and suddenly feels so weak,
Dare she look in the mirror to take a little peek?
Perhaps she would if she wasn’t bleeding through,
Always to ponder the question,
“Just what did I do?”

If only she knew,
If only she knew…

Little prankster

Terra is such a strange little person.

So, at work there was a Twilight display for the first part of the last movie, sitting in the backroom waiting to be torn down and tossed out when an idea struck me in the face like a purse with a brick in it. Why not cut Edward and Jacob out and make them look gay? Yeah- then we can stick it to Rob’s door! So i tore the display apart, tossed most of it and snatched two pieces of it with the two male love interest of Bella and took them home. there I proceeded to cut them out and arrange them quite nicely by one another and taped them in place. Then I slipped over to my neighbor, Rob’s, and taped them to his door. Gods, they are such large cutouts. I just hope he knows it is from me and finds it funny or at least WTF worthy.

So I made Lil’ Cal for my pal, Brady for Christmas but I hadn’t finished adding all the details at the time so he let me keep him till I could. (Though I still need to add the bill onto the hat and make his bling gold, but other then that, he is done.)

Everything is made from scratch except for the shoes and hands (which I wish I had made the more I think about it.)

Person holding Lil’ Cal is me. The photos were taken by my girlfriend, SSCeles.

Mindset. (Free verse poem about Marik)

Blood and skin littered the floor,

Pain lingered like an old friend.

Agony was my first memory,

So I vowed to kill them all.

To write my name with their blood,

And dance in Hell’s fire.

I would right the wrongs against me,

And avenge my own cruel birth.

What else were they expecting,

A obedient slave with no will?

Instead they will receive justice,

Torment on Earth before Hell.

I was born from wretched misery,

And for that they will suffer with me.

For I can only forgive them though pain,

Similar to my own birth.

Torture is the gift I was given,

And agony is what everyone shall receive.

For the sins of the father pass down to the son,

And the children will be shown no mercy.

Once I am freed from this prison,

You all will get a taste of true pain.

For from my birth will come your end,

A gift I was given to pass onto others.

There will be no escape,

There will be no peace.