Tag: iamterra is a dork

Mood has been all over the place and head has been lying to me again.
Same stuff as before. Saying shit like: Your friends don’t like you any more, just die, you are useless, you don’t even like you… etc. 
The last one is true but whatever. I think the rest is junk but it’s still there and I ended up just venting in rage at myself till I was calm enough to trust myself to move again and started looking up cute plushies to distract myself.

These are the cutest ones so far.

I’d look up my OTP but there is no point really since I’ve seen all the pics the net has to offer really some time ago. 

I hate being trapped on this stupid “Woe is me!” mindset but I can’t seem to shake it. I can only distract myself with frivolous things and just say I’m okay when really I know I’m not but I’ll lie if that keeps me from having to discuss it with others. 

It’s just annoying that I can distract myself for some time but the stupidest thought can drudge up everything and I have to tell myself it’s dumb and shove it back down again. And the one thing that seems to do it is seeing people with their odd little ships getting updates all over the place while the one I can’t help but love is dead. No one seems to like it, I’ve gotten hate on it before, and I just get jealous over seeing post after post saying they only ship Marik with Ryou because only he can like someone like that- and maybe it’s just making me get stupid because I love Mariku in this weird way that I… I always wanted to be him. 

But Terra, he’s a murderer!

He killed his dad, yeah, big whop. I planned to do in my old man when I was little too. That thing happens when you get your ass handed to you all the time. 
But Marik hardly fears anything. He is strong, self reliant, optimistic, and glorious in all the ways I crave to be.

But I’m not Marik. I accept that. But I can not accept that everyone and their grandma seems to talk trash about the character I idolize. They they see the man I want to be like as lower then dirt and worthy of death. Maybe that is why I fall apart when I see it. Maybe this is why I issues I can’t let go of. Maybe I’m putting too much thought into the wrong place.

I don’t care. I loath myself. There are tiny little things I like but they are so pathetically small that it doesn’t matter.

TL;DR

My sanity feels like it’s in pieces again…
Also
I love being a Psychoshipper, but by god, I am the loneliest shipper. 

I kind of want an Yu-Gi-Oh! AU where all the yamis and hikaris have their own bodies and are having a game night at Ryou’s. That have played all sorts of games together over the years but this is the first time they have all agreed to play D&D.
Ryou is the DM and everyone else makes characters that happen to be similar to themselves. Each one having different alingments they feel they can relate to or just think would be fun to play as.
Yami takes Chaotic Good.
Yugi is Nutral Good.
Malik takes Chaotic Nutral.
Bakura takes Nutral Evil.
And evenyone just stares at Marik’s sheet as he had written Lawful Good on it.
Some of them laugh, others roll their eyes, and Ryou just smiles polity.
No one believes Marik can even pretend to play the role of a Lawful Good character. Ryou isn’t even sure but to be fair he just wants to go the game going and is curious to see how each of the players will take their roles in this world he has made.
Time goes on and everyone has played their parts rather well till they go up against an enemy that has beaten the gang and tossed them around like a bunch of ragdolls. Surely they know they can not win this fight. It has been fairly one sided and they are meant to regrope and fight his foe later.
…Then Marik does something no one saw coming. He prays to his god and attacks. Natural twenty. The fight goes on. Marik disarms the villain and instead of going for the killing blow like everyone assumes he will do, he picks up the fallen weapon and tosses it back to them. It’s not a fair fight if they aren’t armed and his alignment refuses to allow him to strike a unarmed enemy. Besides, what fun is there is the villain does not struggle for his last breath?
Instead of fighting further, Ryou has the villain take his weapon and vanish.
The party is dumbfounded. Marik isn’t playing as they expected him to. He’s nothing like his character and yet he is playing honorably? What madness is this?
The game is continued at a later point in time. Everyone curious as to what will happen next but none of them say anything to Marik as he reveals that he is actually pretty decent at getting into the mindset of a Lawful Good character.
This same campaign has gone on for a month now and while they party has had it’s rough spots, they managed to stick together and defeat whatever Ryou threw their way. After all, it’s no fun if they don’t get attached to their characters before you kill them off…

Eh, anyway… Maybe I’m just being weird. I just really like the idea of Marik seeing himself as the good guy doing things for ‘the greater good’ even if that means having to get his hands filthy with blood so the ‘bad guys’ suffer and get their just desserts but I’m a sap for that kind of nonsense.

Finally went to Pottermore to see what house I would officially be sorted into. I always called myself Slytherin because that is what I always wanted to be sorted to but I was certain I would be a Hufflepuff  because of certain traits I have… But I got Slytherin! I am so excited. ❤

Does any one else see a really angsty Loki ripping apart Jane’s work notes and diary to try and find something about himself in them when listening to Diary of Jane by Breaking Benjamin? 
I do and I kind of want him to finally stumble across something only for it to be really negative and just wonder to himself what else was he expecting after all the crap he pulled. 
…So, yeah, anyone else picture that?

Pokemon X and Y

First off, let me apologize for cluttering your blog with this one Pokemon post.
But I’m having fun with it even if I’m incredibly slow at it, still hunting for the second gym. 
But I named my character Dr. Banner and plan on making a team named after the Avengers. I already have Tony Stark but I’m still hunting for some other good Pokemon to be the rest. I plan on also naming some after a few SHIELD members that I’ll alternate with when needed.
As for the nicknaming your pals give you in the beginning- I was laughing so hard when they suggested Big D. Yes, I’m sure Dr. Banner is sizable and can also be a jerk when need be but I was childish and still kept laughing. I still had them call me Bruce. Why? It’s just fitting.
It’s also fun to have everyone I meet yell “Dr Banner!” and my pals call out “Bruce!" 
…Yeah… I’m sorry for being so lame. 
Please though, enjoy your day! 
*goes back to assembling the Avengers*