Why do I gotta be like this?
Why do I always end up alone in my fandom?
If I could just fan over the popular ships, I’d be so much happier. They get updates in fanart and fanfictions almost 24/7 while my massively unpopular ship just… It’s just me. Sometimes on rare occasion someone glances at it but next thing I know, it’s getting renamed, called garbage, and I am literally left crying by myself in the middle of the night because I am so fucking lonely.
I have been part of this fandom for so long and to just be lonely for over half that time… I hate myself.
I hate myself for being so upset over something so trivial and dumb. I am such a loser.
I just want someone to fan with me. I guess that is too much to ask.
And when I find someone into ships I support, they leave not long after.
I’m revolting and selfish. I feel like doing something stupid that I know I’ll regret… But I won’t. Not yet anyway.
Just… Why am I so lonely? Doesn’t anyone want to talk about Marik with me? I see people wanting to talk about him now and then but when I reach out to them they hardly respond at all or just don’t. It’s like “lol, I meant anyone besides you.” and it makes me hate myself more.
Am I that disgusting? I know certain people think I am. Maybe their right?
I don’t want to feel this way. I have been in this fandom for so long guys, I know a lot of things about it, I swear I do. I have ideas, head canons, crack AUs, theories, all of that but… It has to be me you don’t like. I… I can’t think of anything else. It’s me.
Why do none of you like me? Why can’t I just be happy the fandom itself isn’t dead? But… I’m not happy. I’m sitting here and complaining as I am literally crying by myself at my desk… And laughing like an idiot because I know no one gives a shit.
I am Terra 