Having depression sucks. You know most of the voices in your head are lying but you still have doubt about that because what if they aren’t the one’s lying and the one who is turns out to be you? So then you develop trust issues. You start to build up self doubt. Over all, in time, you want to give up.
And I have given up. I have given up so many times but this damned healing factor kicks in and makes me suffer through it all again. You think I would hit rock bottom soon but it just turns out that I brought a fucking pickaxe and I just dig myself into a deeper depression. Everyday is just pain filled with suffering but I smile. I smile through it all because I don’t need them to know how I feel. I can’t let them in because they will not understand even if I did. I will not be the cause of their suffering.
The mental strain from all the fake smiles over the years is unbarable. I want to make it end permanently but that just can not happen. Even the few pleasures in my life are fleeting. Everyone else I love will die and add that much more pain to it all. I can pull the trigger time after time again but it will not free me. I am a burden to everyone and myself. I can not escape it. And it kills me but not how I want it to…
I am Terra 