My throne of lies.

   Some days are harder then others. When those cold, green eyes stare back at me, I can not help but get lost. Not only in myself but in the days long past. Such painful memories lay deep inside of those tainted, soulless windows.
   Many times have I doubted my own heritage as I struggled to grow. Every day that passed, I did nothing but seek out your favor and approval. Every day I was met with unyielding disapproval. Not once had you gazed upon me with admiration like you had my brother. A true spawn of your loins. But I did not have confirmation back then. No, I could only assume that something was wrong. That, that something was me.
   Still, I did my absolute best to try and win favor in your heart. Everything I did was to please you and bring glory to the family name. But as the sun would set, you would take him in under your arm and tell him that he was your greatest achievement in life. That he would be a wise and nobel king, just like you.
   My heart grew cold with the taste of jealousy as I stood in the ever looming shadow of my brother. Would I never be as loved as he was? It surely seemed so and although I always striven to achieve greatness, it was and never would be enough for the mighty king. The very man that I had sought to bring honor to always denied me my chance to prove my worth.
   So my heart fell deeper into the abyss of despair. The light of the warm sun eclipsed by the ever growing shadow that my brother had created so that nothing but ice could cradle my heart. So, I began questioning myself and tried to understand why I was and never would be enough to please him. To please anyone for that matter.
   As the days faded away into weeks and those into months, I began to drift away from my childhood dreams. The throne clearly never meant to hold me as it was being custom made for my brother. I began to turn to shallow tricks just to gain a glimmer of attention. The good, the bad, and anything in between. Whatever the people around me were willing to give, I beseech them to aim what they had left to give in my direction. Still, it was never enough to sedate the loneliness I contained.
   Years now had fallen and given me my new value in life. I was loathed by my family, though they spoke nothing of it but their actions made it perfectly clear. The only one out of the bunch that dared to show me even a sliver of affection had been the one who made me feel like nothing more then a failure. My brother. What a strong man he had become under the guidance and love of the people around him. He walked in the path of order but his head had been filled with unbridled pride. Yet no one dared to call him out on this horrid monster that lived in his thoughts but I and I was the one to pay for it.
   Unloved and all but forgotten I stood in my home of chaos, filled with jealousy. The world had turned against me, much like the people I wanted nothing more then to please in my youth. But time had tarnished my love for them and I saw the bitter truth written in my veins. That these people I loved could not return such a thing to a monster such as myself and thus I forced my love into hate. A twin bladed sword had been forged within my own soul and I vowed to use it should things keep treading down the path that destiny denied me like my whole life had been. And it did.
   Enraged, I tricked my brother into doing many a filthy wrong and despite it being his fault for listening, it was I who received the blame for what his own hands had done. But still those blue eyes saw nothing but good in my green. The damned fool was blinded by his own brilliant light. The ice grew ever thicker and more cold around my heart. There had to be something I could do to show them that the man they all loved was nothing more then a fool.
   So I plotted in silence and waited till the time was right. I let loose and fallowed though only to find myself where I had always been all this time. Alone, lost, and in the dark. The throne was at last to be mine but it did not sedate the pain I carried. No one loved me like i wanted them to except for one person. The very one I had betrayed.
   My heart was deadening from the frost that cracked it. My brother had been dethroned. I was meant to be celebrating and cherished like he had been but all I saw was the same old repugnance that enveloped my entirety. I had severed the very thing I had wanted with this last act of treachery. My brother too would disown me. 
   Despite not being of the same bloodline, I still saw him as my sibling. A rival but a brother all the same. The more I stewed in this chilling thought the more frightened I became. I had done the most unforgivable act of all. One I should have seen so clearly since it was the same cruel deed that father and mother had bestowed upon me. A lie. One so great that it made my own mouth taste of poison once I had dared to merely touch the armrest of the family throne.
   I had become the one thing everyone had told me I was and could only be. I was the perfect monster and despite what I wished to believe there was a chilling though morbid gleam of truth held over time. I was a monster. I had become the very thing I swore never to be, what everyone around me already knew that I was and the throne that I had at last acquired, it meant nothing to me. 
   I now see the bitter truth that the darkness hid from me all this years. That I had harmed the only person who had ever cared or loved for me, just so I could sit on a throne of lies…